Lord of the Flies

As some of you may or may not know, I love to write.  I have been doing so for many years, even had my first piece published at 15.  Most recently I had been doing some essays for Instigator Magazine, and with the release of their latest issue my essay "Lord of the Flies" has been published.
Most people that have read it have been moved.  When I say moved I don't mean tears, but it can bother some, while others get what it's about.  It's a personal piece that might give you some more insight in to my person.  Please read and enjoy.. COMMENT.. i love reading feedback, and when you are done; go to InstigatorMagazine.com and get your copy.  You can also go find a local distributer if you just can't wait to get your paws on it...

"Bless me father for I have sinned.  It's been 48hrs since my last confession, and I have been a bad man.  I have forsaken the laws.  I looked, then I touched.  I touched and I tasted.  I tasted and enjoyed every single lap of a man's ass with my tongue running deep inside his dripping hole.  I buried my face deep in to his ass wallowing in it like life-giving mother's milk, and it was good and I liked it!  So good in fact I know i'll do it again.  Please father save me from myself."

From the moment I could comprehend, my father had set me down the path of righteous Catholic Dogma.  I was learning prayers like the Our Father, Hail Mary, The act of Contrition, and ever lasting guilt at the desires of man.    It then comes to no surprise that I would rebel against my handler when I could not reconcile the mental anguish of suppressing my instincts that compelled me to be me.  I left the scripture and become a heathen, most unclean, and headed to hell at the end of my time on Earth.  I've come to terms with my "Everlasting Damnation," and I feel good knowing every fat assed swine I've ever plowed will be there waiting; I can only hope they haven't blown out their holes by then.  I am the Instigator, I'm the one who sets the fires a blaze and can turn the world on with a smile.  I am without a master, the despicableness of the Earth, 

The lord of the flies.  

The only thing I have yet to make peace with is my swine nature.  I know what I want, I know how I like it and how to get it, but I feel so fucking guilty after I indulge.  Guilt about what i'm doing, that i'm doing something unclean and unbecoming of a righteous man.  When the lights are low, the music is pumping, and the poppers come out I take a swan dive in to the pit and I eat ass like a starving dog. I become not just a pig but a wild boar ravaging all that get in my way.  I fuck hole like a stallion and leave any man in a pool of their own sweat and cum.  My sexual appetite is insatiable, a thirst that does not die.  I however feel the guilt and my skin crawls with the overwhelming thought of what I have done.  I keep going back; often under the protection of a dim-light back room, faceless bath house, or clandestine meeting behind a dumpster.  I feel the need to hide my identity, again because I'm not at 

peace with what I'm doing. 

Often times I turn to the pain of BDSM to offer me penance for my deeds.  Taking pain is my act of contrition, the act by which all my sin is cleaned away.  Only at the end of a whip do I find forgiveness and the ability to indulge myself in the ways of the pig.  I find such freedom in my moment of pain induced euphoria.  Often times I carry out the penance myself.  I flog myself till i can't take it anymore.  I have been told that when I take the whips that I do so with gratitude and pride.  I do.  I'm grateful for the cleansing of my person through fire.  I have a clear consciousness and feel the weight of the world lifted from off my shoulders.  More important though, I feel free to go wallow with the pigs again!  

Old habits die hard, even those that I did forsake long ago.   Soon, I will drop again on bended knees and say, "Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I've sold my soul for sex and gin."