What does anyone have to offer? In my line of work it's all about an image for sale. We, the models, use what God gave us to make a living. It could be a pretty face, a body sculpted from marble, or a cock bigger than a piano leg is what gets you the job. I often wonder for myself, "What does that guy have that I don't?"
I'm constantly judging myself and my self image by other people's standards, and most of the time it just makes me feel ugly. I will never be the walking Greek statue that makes everyone's jaw drop as they make walking look like modeling. However that doesn't mean I won't stop trying to be, after all I have an image to sell for a living.
I have after a long time of meditation learned that I have far more to offer than just an image for sale, or my body. I have a mind capable of wonders if only I could learn to tame the tempest that is my thought process. I'm highly intelligent and capable of so much more than what I give myself credit for. I have become lost in a sea of perpetual beauty, and i'm eager to find myself again.
I want to be able to be more than just a performer. I don't want to be another has been porn star working as a house boy in some rich guy's house. I don't want to be past my prime still trying to live like i'm still a kid. That's tragic and a waste of talent.
I am realizing early that before me still lays a vast land of opportunity and untapped resources, and I want to take advantage of it. I don't want to look back when I'm in my forty's and realize that I didn't do anything with myself. I don't want to simply burn up in smoke what I have to offer the world. i want to give it vision and inspiration.
What I need to do is figure out what my offering is. What is my contribution to the table? That requires more meditation, but I need to figure it out and soon before it goes up in smoke too.