I'm constantly judging myself and my self image by other people's standards, and most of the time it just makes me feel ugly. I will never be the walking Greek statue that makes everyone's jaw drop as they make walking look like modeling. However that doesn't mean I won't stop trying to be, after all I have an image to sell for a living.
I have after a long time of meditation learned that I have far more to offer than just an image for sale, or my body. I have a mind capable of wonders if only I could learn to tame the tempest that is my thought process. I'm highly intelligent and capable of so much more than what I give myself credit for. I have become lost in a sea of perpetual beauty, and i'm eager to find myself again.
I want to be able to be more than just a performer. I don't want to be another has been porn star working as a house boy in some rich guy's house. I don't want to be past my prime still trying to live like i'm still a kid. That's tragic and a waste of talent.
I am realizing early that before me still lays a vast land of opportunity and untapped resources, and I want to take advantage of it. I don't want to look back when I'm in my forty's and realize that I didn't do anything with myself. I don't want to simply burn up in smoke what I have to offer the world. i want to give it vision and inspiration.
What I need to do is figure out what my offering is. What is my contribution to the table? That requires more meditation, but I need to figure it out and soon before it goes up in smoke too.
Sweetness, I have to tell you that thinking that you don't measure up and having self doubts is all a part of being a human being. I know people who are gorgeous, thin, muscular, highly intelligent, wealthy, and blessed with far more things than they will ever deserve. But do you think they're happy? Hell no they're not. There are some people who are constantly questioning themselves and their capabilities and talents. There are some of us who can't take a compliment and who are hard on ourselves beyond all comprehension. I think no matter how old we get there are always things we can change and improve about ourselves.
ReplyDeleteMy wish for you is that you would realize what a sweet, charming, talented, down to earth young man you are. Your handsome face was not what first drew me to you. Although it's definitely nice to look at. No, what drew me to you was your passion and your amazing dedication to the things that you love and believe in.
I know in your line of work that you have to look a certain way. I can't imagine how difficult that would be to try to keep up with. I think you do an amazing job. I was stunned at how much bigger your shoulders were when I saw you in September than how big they were when I saw you in May. Long comment even longer I think you know what you need to do to stay ahead of the game. Just keep your eyes on the prize and you'll continue to go just as far as you've come thus far. ;)
Being introspective is a good starting point but at some point, you will have to start testing the waters. I suggest you make a list of careers or industries that seem interesting to you. Identify possible entry level jobs or support positions and go after those jobs. You will quickly learn whether or not your interest is sustained. Take continuing education classes. Sooner or later, something will click.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the input. :)
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